About the Author
Peter L. Stavinoha, Ph.D. (Dallas, TX), is a clinical neuropsychologist in the Center for Pediatric Psychiatry at Children’s Medical Center of Dallas and associate professor in psychiatry at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. He is a regular guest on Good Morning Texas where he gives expert parenting counsel on mutual issues facing children and families.
Sara Au (Orlando, FL) is a journalist specializing in parenting and health issues.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Introduction and Philosophy
Teaching your children everything you may to support them become functioning members of society is what parenting is all about. From the moment they are born, each single act of ours teaches them something, for better or worse. As babies, when they cry, we give them food. When they are tired, we rock them to sleep. When they eliminate waste, we modify their diaper.
Hmmmm . . . let’s think when it comes to that last one again. Until this point in their very short lives, they have learned that the rectify thing to do is to pee and poop into a diaper. We’ve taught them this lesson, and most of us have in all probability taught it well. Your children are so good at this skill, they probably don’t even think with regards to it anymore.
That’s all when it comes to to change.
Potty training encompasses not only instructing new attainments to your child, but also unlearning behavings they thought they already had down pat. There’s no getting around it, potty training is a huge undertaking for both kids and parents alike. Going into a diaper has become second nature to your kids, just as using a toilet is second nature to adults. Imagine if an individual came to you one day and said you couldn’t use a toilet anymore, that you had to use this newfangled thing that was almost as huge as you are and made loud, scary noises! You’d in all probability be a little confused and intimidated.
Does this perspective give you galore idea of what your child is in regards to to experience? Good! That’s what this book is all about: Helping parents view things from a child’s point of view. Potty training ought to be stress free for parents, and (as much as possible) for kids, too! Stressing in regards to this major milestone will only hurt the process, bog it down, and eventually, derail it. So, in keeping it stress free, you are doing what’s best for your son or daughter.
You—being the conscientious parent that you are—want to go in regards to potty training in a careful, thoughtful way that considers your child’s person needs. You know this is a big step and you want to make it as easy and comfortable for your “baby” as possible. You’ve in all probability heard horror stories from other parents and want to stay clear from getting into those kinds of situations yourself. In short, you want to do right by your child.
Our methods are not tricks we guarantee will work in a prescribed amount of time. Nor do we give you step-by-step directions that if followed result in sheer sure success. Parents do not control this procedure (that might sound shocking, but get employed to the idea that you are not actually in charge here), nor do we actually control any routine with our children. Our system of belief is that as parents we may manage and influence the training, but that children themselves control it. They have their own natural pace at which they will learn to use the toilet. Through thoughtful planning and effective communicating with your distinctive child, you are setting the stage for your child to own the procedure and be successful at it.
If you’re like numerous parents, you may feel overwhelmed at the thought of starting to potty train. Unlike riding a bike, you in all likelihood have no memories of learning bathroom attainments as a child, so how may you instruct them to your son or daughter? To boot, others (maybe your mother- or sister-in-law, or that oh-so-helpful neighbor . . .) are ofttimes observing over your shoulder, which may leave you anxious and unsure in your abilities to handle this rudimentary parenting task.
You’re not sure in regards to the hype of those train-in-one-day programs, but on the other hand, can’t imagine waiting until your child decides to do it on their own. After all, they have no disturb walking around in a wet or dirty diaper for hours. What all this tells you, is that you can’t get started by planning on the precise amount of time it is going to take to train! (Talk in regards to setting yourself up for failure.) Every child potty trains differently; besides, even those one-day methods take a great deal more days in preparation.
We believe toileting proficiency is one of the most crucial achievements you’ll instruct your child, rudimentary to personal hygiene, health, even social relationships for the rest of his/her life. Being comfortable with one’s own body starts with this introductory foray into being responsible for oneself. So, you don’t want to rush in headlong without a thoughtful plan. We recognize, of course, that you don’t want to dilly dally either. You want to instruct your child in the most insightful, caring way possible, and to do that you will have to take his or her person personality into account.
But where to begin? You don’t want to miss your window of prospect with your toddler, but you don’t want to strength the issue too early and short-circuit the whole procedure either.
Welcome to the real world of parenting, where there’s no magical solution to any tough issue, just counsel from experts and veteran parents, a multitude of proven systems and tons of moral support, and of course, your own instincts and psychological result of perception learning and reasoning of your child—the most necessary ingredient.
In fact, you already have the noesis you need to help your toddler potty train; you just may need to be pointed in the right direction. You know your child best. You recognise everything with regards to him. You recognise his likes and dislikes, what motivates him most, and the signs he’s reached his breaking point. For example:
* You know if you get him up and out the door before 9 a.m. he’ll be in a great mood all morning, but if you dally and miss the window of opportunity, he’ll become cranky an hour before his regular naptime.
* You know it takes her a good 15 minutes to warm up to any person besides you and your spouse, even her beloved grandparents.
* You recognise how to say “no” in a great deal of dissimilar ways, because if you just came out and said it flatly, he’d double his attempts to do whatsoever is off limits.
* You recognise she’ll be climbing on top of your childless friend’s brand-new glass coffee table before your visit is over.
* You recognise he’ll copy anything his 5-year-old cousin does.
You already know this and much more regarding your child. You’re the expert. Believe it or not, these are the keys to unlock that potty-training door.
What this book does is channel that psychological result of perception learning and reasoning and helps you figure out what kind of approach will work best. Dr. Pete Stavinoha, a dad and pediatric neuropsychologist, will give you a peek inside your child’s mind and support you potty train based on his or her person personality. Sara Au, a mom and parenting writer, has culled together experiences from other parents throughout the country who are either in the midst of or have not long ago finished potty training their children.
We know your child is unique, special, and already has his or her own person personality. The kinds of attempts that may have worked for your sister (or sister-in-law!), your neighbors or your friends, make you shake your head in defeat because you know those things won’t work for your child. And you recognise what? You’re in all probability right! Children don’t all respond alike, peculiarly when it comes to something as personal as potty training. What prods one child in the direction of the bathroom could just as ofttimes cause another to run screaming in the other direction.
Child psychiatrists Drs. Stella Chess and Alexander Thomas are often times credited with bringing to bear innovative views of temperament in children. Over the past fifty years, researchers have identified a number of characteristics that describe how children interact with the humans and world around them. Whereas scientists are not in finish agreement with regards to what to call the person traits that make up temperament, developmental psychologists tend to agree that temperament comprises of a group of brain-based, inborn characteristics that guide a person’s reaction to the world and provide a basis for the development of personality. So, two children with two dissimilar temperaments may respond very differently in the very same situation—each is responding to stimuli in portion according to their distinctive temperament.
In digesting the science of temperament for this book, we have grounded our temperament types according to various mutual traits identified by researchers over the years. We’ve tried to break these down into good sense temperament types that each parent will be competent
to recognize. Dr. Pete devised five typical categories—Goal-Oriented, Sensory-Oriented, Internalizing, Impulsive, and Strong-Willed—and advises specific ways your child will best receive potty-training lessons. Keep in mind, most humans have characteristics of a number of temperaments, so don’t be amazed if your child shows strong constituents of two or even three temperament types. This is actually finelooking mutual and, in fact, helpful because it will mean you will have more systems at your disposal.
We begin with a short quiz to aid you figure out where you are with your child and your peculiar situation. We’ve left a large total of room for your notes in this section, as potty training is a very liquid (no pun intended) process. Next, we outline a number of universal systems you may utilize and steps you may take disregarding of your child’s personality. Some of these are very subtle changes; a heap of implicate altering your own behavior.
From there, we take you through the five dissimilar personality types and aid you determine where to commence with your child. Please remember, however, that these personality types are generalizations, and your child may not fall squarely in one camp or another. It may be that he or she exhibits the hallmarks of more than one type. Or, you may even see a heap of other personality traits, latent until now, come to th…
Excellent counsel for any situation